Being Closer and Worrying Less
Ching-ming Sun 2011-08-30
Time flies. Suddenly my son is six feet and four inches tall and in his junior year in college. When applying for college, he just told me,“Don’t worry about it, Mom. I can handle it by myself.” To be honest, I really did not have time and could not help at all then. Later on, he was accepted by a good state university. He also found a part-time job while studying. Furthermore, he set aside some money each month to support our family. Even though we have been through some tough times in the past few years, our hearts have become much closer.
I remembered that when we just arrived in the United States, I tried my best to offer my children a better study environment just like most parents in immigrant families would do. But, after all, my children were not born and raised in the United States, so I always worried that they would fall behind others. I pushed them to study English everyday. The most common conversation between us was: “Have you memorized vocabulary words yet?” I expressed my love in this way, but unfortunately the relationship between us had always been tense.
One day, I attended a parents’ meeting at my son’s school. The teachers told us not to worry about our kids too much, because it took at least 10-15 years to learn a language well. The teachers also reminded us that parents only drove their children to school, said bye-bye to them, and then left them at school to face academic and peer pressure. Suddenly, the lonely images of my children at school flashed through my mind, and then my tears dropped. I felt that I was so selfish. I always complained about my own pressure but never thought about theirs; besides, I have been working at a Chinese company and 80 percent of my co-workers speak Chinese. However, my children were in all-English environment. Who was under greater pressure?
I remembered that my Shifu, Dr. Hong, Tao-Tze once told dizi that the purpose of learning is to understand the truth in life and the philosophy of doing things and that we need to achieve completeness when dealing with people and things. My Shifu also reminded dizi that parents should respect their children and be considerate of their feelings. I never realized that Shifu had already tried to make me aware of my “blind spot.” I did not understand at that time. It suddenly occurred to me that I was not an outstanding child; however, my mother did not push me hard but let me grow with love and happiness instead. Why should I hold extremely high hopes for my children? With such a realization, I would care more if they were happy rather than care about their grades. Fortunately, my children and I have joined Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy to practice qigong. Under Shifu’s teaching, my children have their own wisdom to distinguish right from wrong and have learned to be responsible for what they are doing. When my children become more and more sensible, I have realized that sometimes it is actually I that am asking for trouble when I worry too much about them.
My Son and I are not only family members, but also members of the Tai Ji Men family. This relationship is very unique. We will share what we learned from our Shifu as well as remind and help each other to improve. For example, Shifu once told us the wisdom in the Chinese character “closeness.” It means that people will feel close to each other when they are able to see the hard work of each other. When my son was studying in middle school, he had a lot of homework to do. Every morning, I would wake him up at 7 a.m. and bring breakfast to him quickly. After he finished the food, I would wash the dishes immediately. One day, I suddenly realized that we played a silent drama every morning. I was like a waitress serving the lord and helping him with everything. During dinner that night, when I told him about this silent drama, he burst out laughing. The next day, when I brought breakfast to him, he said, “Thank you, Mom.” Now we can hear “Thank you” any time at our home. Because we see each other’s hard work, the relationship between the family members is closer, and I no longer worry so much about my children. My releasing the bounds of worries has allowed the kids to walk on a broader and broader road.
