Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy

Dad, Mom, Please Have Some Tea

We cannot delay showing our filial piety to our parents, and it is actually not hard to show it to them. Serving a cup of tea to our parents at home is a type of filial piety. When I first heard about such advice from my Shifu Dr. Hong Tao-Tze, Zhang-men-ren of Tai Ji Men, it made me think about the tradition of serving tea to parents. But I had never voluntarily done so, and I felt ashamed. Therefore, I put Shifu's words in my heart and decided to serve tea to my parents one day in the near future.

Serving a cup of tea to parents should be a small thing in our daily lives, and it is easy for many people. However, it was very difficult for me. In my memory, my parents were always very busy at work to support our family. When I was little, I was quite naughty, and thus made my parents worry about me. Whenever I made a mistake, my mother would reprimand and beat me. For this reason, gradually a sense of fear of my mother grew in my heart. In school days, my elder sister was one of the top students in her class. Although I did not rank the lowest in my class, I was only an average student. What was worse, my rank moved toward the lower end from elementary school to senior high school. Usually, the topic between my parents and me was only about my academic performance. I felt that they only recognized my sister's outstanding performance and ignored my efforts. So I felt frustrated and had a feeling of inferiority. I also harbored many complaints and resentments. I even thought that they favored my sister just because my poor academic performance; gradually I had built a high and invisible wall between my parents and me. I didn't even know how to say something to let them know that I cared about them, let alone serve a cup of tea to them. Although I started to understand my parents' hard work after I grew up, I still didn't know how to improve our relationship due to the long-existing distance between us, and I felt chagrined.

One day when only my mother and I were home, I decided to change my attitude about her and serve her a cup of tea, which I had thought about for so long. However, I was still struggling inside and felt uncomfortable about it. Finally, I made the tea and carried the cup of tea to my mother. I pretended to behave normally and said, "Mom, have some tea." At the moment my mother picked up the cup and had a sip, I felt very happy and touched because I knew I had torn down the high wall between us. It made me know that I had put down not only a cup of tea but also the fear, distance, and complaints about her. I suddenly realized that I had deep love and care about my parents but just did not know how to express it. Shifu once explained the meaning of "qin," the Chinese character for closeness. He said, "People will feel close to each other when they can see and appreciate each other's hard work." When facing my dear family, I only cared about myself being ignored and overlooked their hard work. Now, I can naturally tell my mom that I care about her, and I often call her to send my regards and remind her to take good care of herself. I therefore feel that we are getting closer and closer. To be able to show my care to her naturally was something that I could never do in the past.

The effect and power of a cup of tea was beyond my expectation! My own experience made me think of my students, who are teenagers and also cannot understand their parents' hard work. I hope they won't be like me, for I had gone an unnecessary long way before understanding my parents' love of me. Therefore, I gave them an assignment entitled "Dad, Mom, Please Have Some Tea." I first shared my own story about my mother and me with my class, then guided them to understand their parents' hard work, and asked them to prepare a cup of tea for their parents and say to them, "Thank you for your hard work." Unexpectedly, when I reviewed their weekly journal, many students described that when they carried the tea to their parents, their parents were surprised initially. But eventually, the parents were all very touched and had tears in their eyes. When these children saw their parents' tears, they all felt ashamed and started to reflect on themselves. They found that usually it was their parents who served tea to them and they had done so little in return, but their parents didn't mind this and never reduced their love for them. I felt so happy when I saw these children starting to feel appreciative of their parents and starting to have positive interactions with their parents.

I feel lucky to have joined Tai Ji Men and learned from a enlightened Shifu, who teaches me life wisdom, makes me understand my deep love of my parents, and makes me realize that I should take actions to express my love in time. Learning from the way Shifu teaches his dizi, I, as a teacher, also pass on the great love to my students. I have also realized that the impact is huge when I use my heart to guide my students.