Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy

Give my father a Hug once again

Since I was a little kid, my impression of father was he was always working hard and quarreling with mother over money. During my school days, father failed business several times and we had to live on loans from friends and relatives. Being the oldest son, I could not understand why father would be guarantor of partner's loan when we are in such a poor condition. I therefore did not have close relationship with him.

It was amid the crisis of the financial tsunami when I was delisted from military. To shoulder responsibilities for my family and help alleviate economic burdens for mother, I worked really hard. However, at that time, father started to have difficulties with swallowing. Despite of my complaints for him, I still took time to take him to the hospital for examination, just out of my duties as a son. I was totally shocked when doctor announced that father was in the late stage of stomach cancer. I had no idea where to go from here. How to live with the debt loads we have? How selfish he is to walk away and leaving us to deal with the troubles.

One night, I went to Tai Ji Men to practice qigong as usual. Brothers and sisters there were aware of my anxiety when seeing me. "What happened to you?" they asked me with care. I burst into tears and told them all the things about my father. Brothers and sisters offered a lot of advices, medical and psychological, and encouraged me to face it with courage. I picked up a lot of good energies from brother and sister's sharing and was able to walk through the difficulties.

Father did not make a lot of progress in the following treatments and getting slimmer instead. We all understood the inevitable was coming and tried to be prepared for it. I remembered Shifu's saying, "Never be late for filial piety". I started to give up the complaints for father and tried to give him my love. That was the time when we two talked the most. Sometimes I was just there being with him. From our conversation, I understood father actually loves the family very much. He used to make good money running business. But he was not aware of the changing environment and was cheated by partners. He did everything he could to support and family and tried to give us good life. I started to realize why Shifu said that "Intimacy is when you see the difficulties and sufferings." I recalled one day when I was studying for the entrance exam for graduate school, father came and said "Just do your best. If you want, you can go abroad for more advanced studies." I was thinking then, however, that "How can you support me for studying overseas when we could barely support our family?" Now I understand that he just wants to show his encouragement and support. But I was not able to comprehend back then.

Shifu once remind me to hug father and mother. So when I was beside father in the hospital, I tried to hug him and I was very embarrassed. But father just touched my head and said "Good. Good boy." I could feel his deep love for me. Actually, he has always loved me. It's just that I was not opening my heart to him. I started to realize the meaning of shifu's words "Love is to feel with heart." I always went to hospital whenever I had leisure times after work. But father always wanted me to go home and take rest early. But I would like to grasp opportunities to be with father when I still could. One day, father said to me he was very proud and satisfied to have a son like me to spend time with him. I replied that "I am very happy to see you and I will come again tomorrow and the day after tomorrow." At that moment, I felt the two hearts of mine and father are closely connected. Father passed away a few days later.

I am in deep gratitude for Shifu and brothers and sisters who taught me how to love and how to feel love. They gave me the assistances I most needed in times of difficulties and endless energies of love so I was able to give up the complaints and misunderstandings for father. I am glad that I was able to find back my heart, embrace father, fulfill my duties and carry over the love I take from him. I want to say that "It's great to have a father like you, dad, and I love you."