Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy

War and Peace among Three Children

I have two daughters and one son. At home, I call them "Big Sister," "Second Sister," and "Young Brother." My daughters joined Tai Ji Men Qigong Academic in early April of 2011. Within a year, I have seen changes in them, which makes me feel very grateful and touched.

Before I joined Tai Ji Men, my relationship with my children was often tense. Every day my children and I would run a race against time. I would hurry so as to get to work at 8:00 a.m. After work I would hurry to pick them up at 6:00 p.m. Because there was never enough of time, I didn’t have patience to listen to them. I even forced them to walk at the same pace as I did. If they were standing there doing nothing or moved slowly, I would start nagging them and then yell at them. As a result, my children would go to school with a long face, and I would go to work with anger.

In the past, the moment my two daughters woke up, they would often fight with each other over things or the right to use the bathroom first. They would even calculate who did more household chores, such as how many times each had taken the trash out and swept the floor. They didn’t want to be taken advantage of by the other. They also considered their little brother as a troublemaker. Especially my second daughter, at first she didn’t know how to take care of her little brother. She would fight with her brother over things, such as toys, and my son would often cry as a result. However, my son would not yield easily either. Once he realized he could not get what he wanted, he would direct his anger toward his second sister and pulled her glasses off. Consequently, my son and second daughter would both cry, without any intention to yield to the other. When I saw this, I usually didn’t have the patience to find out the cause. Therefore, I would scold my second daughter first, then my son. Consequently, the atmosphere at home was very unpleasant, and our house was filled with arguments, yelling, and crying.

When my two daughters joined Tai Ji Men, Shifu especially told them not to fight with each other. My daughters really put Shifu’s words in their hearts. After they have practiced qigong in Tai Ji Men for a year, with Shifu’s and Shimu’s love and other Tai Ji Men dizi’s kindness, they have slowly grown and matured. I feel deeply touched to see that they have changed. They now fight much less frequently. My daughters have learned how to take care of their brother, and my son has gradually come to understand the viewpoint of adults, and is not as bossy as before. My older daughter has become more caring and understanding. My second daughter has got along with her brother much better than before; when she earns rewards and presents at school, she brings them home to share with her brother. My son now loves to take a bath, play games, and take out the trash with his second sister. I am working hard to change my attitude as well. I get less emotional, stop yelling at my children, and try to talk to my children in an encouraging way. I find that we now can hear and understand each other much better than before. Without the noises of shouting and fighting, the atmosphere at home is much more peaceful.

In Tai Ji Men, there are always opportunities for one to learn and grow. In July of 2011, my daughters practiced singing in Tai Ji Men. After practicing singing for 6 consecutive weekends, they learned to have a happy heart. They also learned the kungfu that Shifu has always stressed, self-discipline and self-control. When they came back from practicing singing, they never complained; in fact, they were always very happy and energetic. They would also share with me the fun moments they had during the practice. Our relationship improved as their happy songs resonated in our home.

Shifu treasures and loves the children. With Shifu’s guidance, my two daughters have learned to show their care to their parents and to take care of themselves. They no longer calculate who does more household chores and have learned to take care of their brother, which has lessened my burden.

Children are like the mirror images of us. I can see my own reflection in them. Shifu especially reminds dizi who are parents to be careful in our actions and words so as to give children good examples to follow. In Tai Ji Men, we learn from each other and change ourselves to become better people. Shifu’s words have become very important common ground in our parent-child communication. I often use Shifu’s words to remind myself and my children, such as "Filial piety cannot wait;" " Don’t be mad but be happy and strong;" "View learning as a game that you enjoy playing;" "Learn what is good and get rid of what is bad;" "Cultivate the four ethical principles (propriety, righteousness, honesty, and humility) and eight cardinal virtues (loyalty, filial piety, compassion, love, faith, justice, peace, and fairness); " and so on.

Maybe my children don’t understand all of them right now and can’t demonstrate those character traits perfectly, but I believe that immerging them in this excellent environment of Tai Ji Men, an ancient menpai that has inherited the essence of ancient Chinese culture, will enable them to build good character.