Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy

Melting the Iceberg Between My Mom and Me

As far as I can remember, the relationship between my mom and me was not that good. Both of my parents worked. My mom would always go to work early and return home late; thus there were few interactions between us. On the other hand, my dad worked overseas long time. Because my parents did not see each other often, their marriage started to go sour when I was about 7 years old. At the time I was too young to understand what was going on in the family; however, I only sensed that my mom didn’t favor me, but I did not know why. Later on I gradually realized what happened between my parents, and it seemed that for a long time my mom had taken all the resentment and anger toward my dad out on me because my dad and I were alike. We both were short-tempered and often looked sulky. For so long, I thought my mom never loved me.

When I was in high school, our whole family decided to move to the U.S., and my mom decided to put a hold on her job for two years and came to America to take care of my siblings and me. Although two years are not long, I found myself enjoying the time with my mom very much. We shared many things, from what happened at school, what happened in my studies, to what happened among my friends. However, since my parents had been separated for many years, my dad’s values drifted further away from my mom’s. Their poor relationship seemed to place a bomb in my mom’s mind that could explode unexpectedly, and her moods would swing erratically. Sometimes she would feel good at one moment and suddenly become angry the next over a small thing. Her emotions became very hard to predict. Sometimes she was strong and sometimes very emotional, so I started to stay away from her, afraid that I would accidentally irritate her and then I would become angry myself. In my mind, the gentle and sweet mom who I used to share things with was lost, and gradually the distance between my mom and me became greater and greater and there seemed to be a huge iceberg between us.

In fact, I love to talk and to share my experience with others; I also love to help others. However, because of the unpleasant family issues, I locked up the door to my heart. For many years, I found myself close-minded and melancholy. I never meant to be like that, but I did not know how to find a way out or how to begin to open up myself to others. But when I first stepped into the Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy, I found out that sharing the pain in my heart was very easy, and all Tai Ji Men members were willing to share their stories and opinions without hesitation. I felt relieved. I did not know why the members of Tai Ji Men were always happy. The second time I visited Tai Ji Men, I brought some self-baked pastries, and regardless of their ages, the members who ate them all said the pastries were delicious. I was happy, and knew then that people there are all good-hearted.

I have been practicing qigong at Tai Ji Men for a little bit over a month now. I have also learned how to open my heart and share with others; from the sharing of other Tai Ji Men members, I learned to use positive attitudes to overcome various situations and problems, and always check on myself to see what and where I need to improve. Originally I had lots of acnes on my face; however, after practicing qigong, my acnes are gone and my cheeks have become rosy now. I think because the qi (energy) is flowing through the blood and the whole body, I have become healthier and stronger. Also I finally opened the door to my heart, which had been locked for many years. I also realized that the "knot"I tied between my mom and me came from my stubborn heart that would never let go. I always wanted to prove that I could do things well. For example, when I was in middle school, I never went to my teachers or classmates when I had questions in my studies. Consequently, the problems accumulated and became big problems. I always waited until the last minute to ask, resulting in making myself look bad in front of others. And I felt even worse in the end. In the past two decades, the same problem happened over and over again. I still remember one time in primary school, when I was working on math problems, I tried to do the problems by myself even though I didn’t know how to solve them. But I thought I was doing them right. When my mom got home and checked my homework, she found out that I had done them all wrong from the very beginning. She was very upset, and she beat me. She never knew that I had spent lots of time doing the problems, and I felt very unhappy that she did not understand me and only looked at my mistakes. The next day I went to school with a swollen face and red eyes. Now thinking back, why didn’t I ask for help at first? If I had asked, I would have done my problems right. Ever since I untied the "knot" between my mom and me, I have truly understood what it means by "facing oneself." I realized that I had to face the stubborn heart I had when I interacted with my mom, and then our relationship would become better.

Rome was not built in a day; bad habits cannot be changed in one day. A person must keep reminding himself that he needs to change in order to fully change. Having changing little by a little is better than staying unchanged. I began by just sending a simple email to my mom, and my mom replied. Then I replied. Until now we can call each other and talk for almost 2 hours easily. Although my mom is always talkative, but at least I know that there is someone who cares about me. She would call me and tell me to eat meals regularly, to treat myself well, and to rest well, which always made me feel touched and warm inside. I don’t remember since when, but I have let go of that old stubborn me.

Now there is no iceberg between my mom and me; we talk like sisters and share like friends. I have realized that it’s not that she never loved me, but she used a different way to love me. And I was too young to understand that then. But now I know that she loves me. For the first 24 years of my life, I never felt that she loved me, but I know that from now on I will love her endlessly.
Mom! Happy Mother’s Day!