Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy

Mothers are the Same

My husband and I are both teachers with a stable income. Our relationship is so good that we are the envy of our friends, relatives, and colleagues. However, over ten years ago, we were so divided in heart that we almost got divorced. Before we got married, I insisted on not living under the same roof with his mother. I had hoped for a small family with just the two of us. Therefore, right after we got married, we moved out of his mother's house, where he and his mother had lived together for many years. I had thought that this would be the start of a happy marriage, but instead it turned out to be the beginning of our constant disputes.

Ever since my husband was little, his mother would tell him about all the difficulties and pain she had experienced as a wife and mother. Subconsciously, my husband felt obligated to shoulder the responsibility of his father, who had neglected his duty as a father. Therefore, after graduating from junior high, although he was admitted to the best high school in his area, he chose to attend a vocational school instead to save money. He thought this was the only way he could show he was filial to his mother. Since childhood, he always expected himself to be a good son and good student so that he could repay the kindness to his mother and make her proud of him.

It seemed that I had won my husband's heart and made him give up his wish to take care of his mother on a daily basis. But in fact, I had intentionally ignored his pain while he was torn between the two women he loves the most. At first, he tolerated my request to have our own space. But later on, we started to argue about the ways he showed his respect and care for his mother. Over time, the opinions from his mother, relatives, and friends caused him much stress, and he blamed our marriage for it. He thought that because I could not love his mother the way I love my own mother, he was not able to fulfill his duty as a son.

During this period of time, he hated me and I resented him and my mother-in-law. I felt as if I had trespassed into a zone that was exclusively reserved for them, and I also thought that my mother-in-law had considered me a thief who "took away her beloved son. With this kind of mentality, I found the words that my mother-in-law uttered to be blameful. As a result, I accumulated a significant amount of hatred and anger inside of me, which I often took out on my husband.

Walking Out of the Abyss of My Life

At the time when my life plunged into a dark abyss, I began practicing Tai Ji Men Qigong. In the peaceful, happy and healthy environment of Tai Ji Men, my heart started to undergo a transformation, and gradually, my resentment and hatred were gone. In Tai Ji Men, Shifu always instructs us the proper ways to deal with people and situations. Besides, the unconditional love and care that other Tai Ji Men dizi had shown me made me realize how selfish I had been. Little by little, I learned to look beyond myself. I learned to appreciate what I have, and I hoped that my other family members could also be accepted as Tai Ji Men dizi and regain their health and happiness. The first person who came to my mind was my mother, but she had passed away before I joined Tai Ji Men. Then I thought of my mother-in-law, my other mother, whom I could still be filial to.

When I reflected peacefully on why there was this war between my mother-in-law and myself, I realized that it was the hatred within me that had turned her well-intentioned advice and concern into cruel criticism. If I wanted a bright future for my marriage and my family, I had to let go of my hatred and make amends. In order to improve our relationship, I had to create opportunities for us to be together. So I proposed to my husband that we sell our house and move back to my mother-in-law's. My husband was surprised by my change, and my mother-in-law was excited about the move. A little change in my thinking had brought much happiness to my family. The love and wisdom I learned in Tai Ji Men had dissolved the hatred in my heart that I had harbored for years. I hope other women with similar situations can be as fortunate as I and begin making changes in their lives so that they can get along well with their loved ones.