Tai Ji Men Qigong Academy

My Mother's Butterfly Knot

Recently my father fell down at home. While I was taking care of him in the hospital, my mother noticed that my shoelace was loose. She then bent down and helped me tie the shoelace, and reminded me, "Shoelaces must be tied appropriately; otherwise, you could step on it and fall. That will be bad!" At the time, I was busy attending my father, who had become irrational, and forgot to thank my mom. After I got home, I took off my shoes and saw the butterfly knot that my mother had tied with the shoelace. It suddenly came to my mind that I had owed my mom "thank you" and "sorry" on many occasions.

In my first year of junior high, I attended the same school as my elder sister, who was under a lot of pressure for the high school entrance exam. Our mother did not want us to take home lunch that was prepared in the morning or on the previous night, so she would bring freshly cooked lunch to school for us every day. Once, we went to the school gate to wait for her during lunchtime, but we did not see her after a long wait. I was very anxious and afraid that we would be late for class, so I was silently blaming my mother. Later on, I saw my mother rushing to school, carrying two lunch boxes and holding an umbrella to shield herself against the scorching sun. Looking at my mother scurrying under the hot sun, I in fact wanted to say, "Mom, thank you!" but my stubbornness overcame my feelings of gratitude. When my mother approached us, I grabbed the lunch box and ran all the way back to my classroom to eat the lunch. At that time, I did not say "thanks," and the sense of guilt still lingered in my heart. Even though many years had passed, it did not diminish…

Looking back at my own growth, I was always calculating when I was with my mother and liked to "compare" with my sisters. For this reason, I put myself in the dungeon of my heart for over twenty years. Therefore, there had always been a great distance between my mother’s heart and mine. When we were talking over the phone, I did not know what to say to her, so I barely called her to say hello, let alone chat with her. My Shifu Dr. Hong Tao-Tze loves us as his own children. His eyes show his loving care to us, and his words warm our hearts. I feel very grateful to him for helping me release myself from my self-built prison. In the process of practicing qigong and cultivating my heart at Tai Ji Men, I gradually learned to "make amends" and be a dutiful daughter.

Over the past few years, my mother has been taking care of my father, who needs regular dialysis, and she has endured and tolerated my father’s emotional fluctuation since he became ill. I felt bad to see my mother go through all this. Last year after Mother’s Day, I recommended my mother to join Tai Ji Men, and we have become closer because we both practice qigong at Tai Ji Men. I noticed that my mother’s weary body and mind had gradually started to feel refreshed, and smiles had gradually appeared on her once haggard face. Now, we phone each other at least once a week to exchange our experiences and reflections on practicing qigong. In addition, now she can smile over the phone and calmly tell me about my father’s "interesting behavior," which was the main reason why my mother got mad in the past.

Once, my mother and I wore Tai Ji Men uniforms when we went grocery shopping. We held hands just like sisters; many shoppers looked at us with envy. As far as I can remember, I rarely had a chance to have such a close interaction with my mother. I recently heard a song. It describes a mother’s love as the moonlight, gentle and kind; it is the happiest time for a child when he/she is embraced by motherly love. In the warm month of May, I feel appreciative to my parents for giving birth to me and raising me. They have given me their unconditional love and tolerated my ignorance. I feel very fortunate to have met my Shifu and feel thankful to him. He is just like a warm sun in winter, and he guides me to walk on the right path of life. He has helped me to truly know myself, accept myself, and change myself. That is very precious, and I can never thank him enough. I wish all parents and their children can enjoy the true happiness of family life.